Read My Lips…


That Barack Obama Tribute to Nelson Mandela in full. With sign language for hard of sign language

 

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T’BBC Salford having finished, I just now switched over to the BBC News Channel to settle down for a bit of Mandela Rememberance Action (well, you can never get enough, can you ? and the Beeb have hardly mentioned it.) Commentator Jon Sopel was going through the guest list ” Bono will be here, as will Richard Branson….”. Didn’t hear any more. Switched over again.  I’m watching Frasier now.

BREAKING NEWS. AGAIN.


The BBC’s planned 4 hour news feature on the life and death of Nelson Mandela has been rescheduled for a later date, to be replaced by a 5 hour news feature entitled ‘Nelson Nearly Visited Our Pub Once’. A look back at the very many British notables who were once in the same postcode and nearly saw the back of the head of the late world leader.

Diane Abbott (arrow in head), having walked 17 miles to purely coincidentally bump into Madiba,  tries to accidentally get into the same frame as the Great Statesman. Outside Tooting Village Hall, 1994
Diane Abbott MP (arrow in head), having walked 17 miles to, purely coincidentally, bump into Madiba, tries to accidentally get into the same frame as the Great Statesman. Outside Tooting Village Hall, 1994

Lionel Blair, Joe Swish, international Jazz/Pop Combo sensations JLS —interrupting their sell-out Retirement Tour (tickets at all prices)— Lord Vaz of East Leicester, Dame Christopher Biggins and many many less explain what it was like to be photographed just 7 people away from the great man, during his memorable visit to East Penge Chutney Market, and on his many other visits to this country. (Other Bandwagons are available).

(Live uninterrupted coverage of the Demise of English Cricket continues on Radio 5 Dead)

Mandela Carries Bat as Assad makes Most of Easy-Paced Pitch.


Another record of sporting History from the vaults of the Sharp Single. Those who witnessed it say it was probably the greatest match ever played in Dartford Park, and that had the park keeper not told them all to “bugger off  home” at 6 o’clock, it would have gone down in history as the best game never played. (click to enlarge)

Scorecard1

Ebony and Ivory Furniture


When Martin Luther King Jr had a dream, do you think he was dreaming about a divan bed with a memory foam mattress available to all ? Did Nelson Mandela spend all those years in jail so anyone could buy a three piece suite at competitive prices no matter what their creed or colour ? Did Rosa Parks really refuse to give up her seat on that bus just so we could take advantage of in-store finance?

If you answered “no” to any of the above, think again.  Check out the production values on this one.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Now Stop That! You’re Not Even a Proper Woman


This story writes itself. Either she is a bloke in which case she should be banned and GB picks up the silver, or she’s a bird and we should all be ashamed of ourselves for thinking otherwise of the poor girl. Just because she doesn’t look like Denise Lewis (phwoaarrrrr, eh!?!?! A nudge is as good as a wink and so on, and so forth) and has a voice like Nelson Mandela on valium she has come under huge media suspicion and speculation. Either way the Athletic authorities need shooting: the timing of their announcement of the inquiry (hours before her final) was a disgrace.

Semenya indicates how many testicles she has

Semenya indicates how many testicles she has

If all ugly women are liable to gender testing and a ban from their chosen profession, what a state we’d all be in? Does anybody actually remember Rachel Heyhoe-Flint?, Betty Stove, and dear old Fatima Whitbread? Girls Aloud would be one short for starters and the former PM would have led a batchelor’s life (oh how he wishes).

Here’s a game you might like to play. Turn on the BBC TV news. Close your eyes when they go over to Afghanistan and try to picture the face that goes with the deep gravelly voice of the BBC Correspondent.

Your mind will think along these sort of lines: 03_07_1996 - 12.25.47 -  - ttf03510-2

But in reality it belongs to the lovely Caroline Wyatt : _38996497_iraq_wyatt150

Now obviously it makes no difference to us whether she’s a he or not, apart from the confusion she causes me nightly when I see her face for the first time after her VT is played. No-one is suggesting that she should be tested or banned from the Beeb because she looks like Claire Balding‘s big sister and sounds like Lee Marvins Auntie? I merely point it out that sometimes a Doris does look like and sound like a Geezer! (I had a whole paragraph here about women in my past, but on legal advice, I have removed it)

It’s a shame for Semenya that it’s come to this. Personally I’d have run a little slower and worn skipy drawers but, hey, is it her fault that she’s bloody quick but a tad butch?

It is a bloke, though, innit?

 

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