These Could Work (Knock on Wood)


A special female underwear that features anti-sexual harassment is on sale in Thailand. The underwear comes with an artificial penis inside. Its designers claimed that this underwear can prevent woman from being sexually harassed.
People’s Daily Online 人民网

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Reminds me of….no , I won’t say it.

I can scotch the rumours here and now that I was the model for these.

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Hooter’s off to Honkers


I am pleased to announce a number of exciting changes happening in the New Year here at The Sharp Single:

To celebrate the purchase of 3 new readers from Feltham (and who hasn’t recently ?) subscribers will be able to enjoy this publication as a 24/7 Operation. Yes, you read that correctly. For 7 Hours a week, 24 days of the month you may (or may not) be able to find something vaguely interesting, funny and/or original right here at what some are already calling  “not a bad blog for someone who can’t spell”.

Secondly, and taking the lead from many of Fleet Street’s finest, there will be a new, full-colour Sunday edition (The SSonS) — available at a minimal premium rate (Paypal only, please. Or small bills. Or a fridge pack of Guinness).**

The Author (left) and his new Honkers Bureau Chief thrash out the details of the contract.

Historic Handover: The Author (left) and his new Honkers Bureau Chief thrash out the details of the new contract.

And last, and by all means least, following the roaring success of the BBC’s move to the Third World (Salford), The Single (Sharp UK Ltd)  is pleased to announce the opening of its very first (and doubtless very last) Hong Kong office, where Ace [please check that someone—mb] veteran reporter A.Heckler will soon be taking hold of the tiller and keeping an eye on the world’s most terrifying economy for us. And the boozers therein.

So we wish good luck to Editor Heckle Fatty Pong and Lady Heckler and look forward to all those insightful and hilarious comments which we’ve all been waiting for while he was stationed in Blighty.

(Easy on the Dim Sum, Harry)

Artist's impression of the new HK office with Correspondent newly-installed.

Artist’s impression of the new HK correspondent’s first day in his office.

**info correct at time of press. Publication dependent on me waking up in time to file. Wastelines can go up as well as down. Successful applications will be notified by post. Probably. Charlton for the Cup. Terms and conditions apply. Typical APR 3974%. Always read the label. May cause drowsiness. Do not operate heavy machinery while reading this publication. Mind the Gap.

Middle and Leg, Please.


Many congratulations to Mr Willie Eckerslike of Staines for the winning entry to the recent caption competition. For his winning effort of “If they go above my head, can they be called wide ?”) Mr Eckerslike wins for himself a pair of Anti-Pervert Hairy stockings (as reported by The Daily Telegraph), Several plastic OBEs, a drip-dry statue of Jane Mansfield and a ticket to Hampstead Fairground.

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And now, as it’s that time of year again when the English, traditionally, exit a major tournament, here are some random cricket images:

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The Australian Touring Party to England 2013. Not sure who the geezer front right is, don’t think he made the trip. The two fellas wearing the pink scarves are currently in the nets, awaiting confirmation of Australian citizenship. ACB hope they’ll be available by the Third Test. (D.A.Warner is out of shot, beating up the co-pilot.)

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M.A.Holding hears that no-one’s switched on the urn in the pavilion.

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England’s crack Formation Ball-Tampering Display Team

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Shane Warne finds a new career

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England’s current World-Class Cricketers. And Stuart Broad.

On Your Marks…


…and you join us just in time for the start of the third semi final of the 110 metres hurdles for men, A few worth keeping an eye on here: in lane 1 there’s the highly regarded Himmler of South Africa; in 3, of course, we have Jocelyn Carruthers of Team GB, who recently ran the 17th quickest time for a scotsman this month and whose coach has high hopes of finishing the race; and finally watch our for Wing Ming Shiming, in lane 7, towards the left of your screen: one of the very few in the Chinese squad not to test positive for drugs this season. Should be a great race.

Over to you, Brendon: