The greatest ever batsman, Donald Bradman in Canada, Toronto. The Australian players photographed with the cast of The Mask of Fu Manchu (1932) including Boris Karloff (as Fu Manchu, back row), Myrna Loy (middle front row) and director Charles Brabin (far right, back row). Bradman is seated 2nd front row, far right. Image courtesy of The Sir Donald Bradman Scrapbook Collection at The State Library of South Australia
“In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol – it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.”
George Best: 22 May 1946 – 25 November 2005
Does your team have a useless top order ? Do you suffer from repeated batting collapses ? Is the local Umpire suffering from RSI ? Your problems are solved ! Kit out the local Ump in one of my T-shirts, then he need only flash his chest to the feckless batter standing 22yrds away. Available in a range of colours and terminal slogans.
Sachin Tendulkar will play his 200th and final test match tomorrow. That sentence may mean absolutely nothing to you. But then you can consider yourself in a minority, and should read on. When tickets went up online to watch this greatest of all Indian batsman’s swan song, the selling website received 19 million hits within the first hour. NINETEEN MIILLION people inquired after tickets. The ground doesn’t hold that many.
I saw Tendulkar bat 6 or 7 times (that’s me, 5th from left, the tall Indian bloke with the moustache) and, true to form, never saw him make more than 45. I think I’m his jinx. Perhaps the England team should have taken me with him to India every time they went on tour ? God knows I’ve written and asked them enough.
Whether we like it or not, Indian Cricket— and its governing body, the much-loved, virtuous, high-minded and incorruptible BCCI— is the driving force of the world game. The numbers just stack up against all else: Revenue and fan base for starters make other nations’ figures dwindle into insignificance. It’s difficult to put an exact figure on the audience in the sub-continent, but if you said 800 million people watch the game, you wouldn’t be a million miles away.
If the Poms and the Aussies think the world is anxiously awaiting another in a rather irritating extended run of Ashes Test matches, they might think again. The cricketing world at large is on the edge of its seat expectantly anticipating the last walk to the crease by this little man on his home ground in Mubai, desperate for him to do well.
In a nation increasingly force-fed the monotony & banality of Twenty20 Franchise Tournaments, served up on dirt-brown platters of lifeless wickets, it is somehow refreshing to know there is still interest in the longer form of the game — even if it is a one-off to recognise one of the greats. And while an ever-growing number of our sporting idols are being exposed as at best, cynics, at worst cheats, it’s been great to watch this man go about his business, not just brilliantly, but honestly, humbly and often with a smile on his face.
And as India is a country obsessed with stats, and cricket is a game which thrives off them, it’s worth having a quick butchers at a few numbers and quotes surrounding Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar:
Height : 5ft 5″ (1.65 metres)
Test Debut (vrs Pakistan) 1989, Karachi
In his debut first-class match for Bombay in the 1988/89 season, he scored 100 not-out aged 15 years 232 days
England Coach Andy Flower: “There are 2 kind of batsmen in the world. 1: Sachin Tendulkar. 2: all the others.”
Holds the record for scoring 1,000 One Day International runs in a calendar year, having done it six times, in 1994, 1996, 1997, 1998, 2000 and 2003
Shane Warne: “Sachin Tendulkar is, in my time, the best player without a doubt — daylight 2nd, Brian Lara 3rd.”
18,426 runs and 49 hundreds in ODIs
Test Best: 248 not out, which he made against Australia in 2004 at Sydney.
First batsman to hit a double-century in ODI cricket as he scored an unbeaten 200 against South Africa in Gwailor, February 2010.
199* Tests at 53.72 runs per innings.
President Barack Obama “I don’t know about cricket but still I watch cricket to see Sachin play. Not because I love his play but because I want to know the reason why my country’s production goes down by 5 per cent when he’s in batting.”
Numbers of fellow pros who have a bad word to say about him: 0
Hobart, Day 1: England 318-0 vrs Australia A (pronounced “Us-tral-ya Eh?”).
Cook & Carberry set the record for the “Highest 1st wicket Partnership by an England Pair against a Bowling attack Consisting entirely of Chuckers”.
Support your team. Loads of colours, sizes & designs on tees, polos and rugbys at www.genericlogocompany.co.uk
My heart-felt thanks to Steve Dundee for flagging the following piece and puff from the Grauniad. I get hundreds of these dodgy emails and have never been bright enough to come up with the answer to how one should deal with them.
I wish I’d had thought of this.
(I like the fact that Jack Thompson spell ‘His Royal HIGHNEST’ in the correct way):
” Neil Forsyth, The Guardian. Friday 22 October 2010
From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Subject: Delete This At Your Peril
FROM HIS ROYAL HIGHNEST, JACK THOMPSON
Dear sir,
Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business. I am JACK THOMPSON, only son of late King Arawi of tribal land. My father was a very wealthy traditional ruler, poisoned by his rivals. Before his death here in Togo he told me of a trunk containing $75m kept in a security company. I now seek a foreign partner where I will transfer the proceeds for investment as you advise. I am willing to offer 20% of the sum as a compensation for your effort/input and 5% for any expenses. Thanks and God bless,
JACK THOMPSON
From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Good morning your Majesty,
I want 30%, and not a penny less,
Your Servant,
Bob Servant
From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Hello Bob,
See these percentages was arranged by the bank and not me. If you insist on getting 30% of the money i have to call the bank. Pls send your: FULL NAME. CONTACT PHONE NUMBER. ACCOUNT NUMBER. COUNTRY/STATE. I will be expecting those details. thanks.
JACK THOMPSON
From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Hello Jack,
I’m afraid I just cannot take my share in cash, too dangerous. I could take it in diamonds, gold, or livestock (lions). My neighbour, Frank Theplank, has a private zoo. He is willing to pay $80,000 for every lion I can get him,
Bob
From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Hello Bob,
I have made arrangement in transporting the 4 lions to you. So give me your phone number for better communication and bank information,
Thanks,
Jack
From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Hi Jack,
I just popped my head over the garden wall and had a word with Frank. He has asked me to pass on a few questions – Are they male or female? Are they in good physical condition? Do they talk? Thank you, my friend, and don’t worry, I have booked in to see the bank manager tomorrow morning,
Bob
From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Hello Bob,
Hope fine. Answer to the questions:
1. The lions are all male lions and are very healthy.
2. I don’t think I have ever seen a lion that talks.
I don’t know if you are also interested in leopards cause my friend works in the Government Zoo and he could find a leopard for you? Remember to speak to your bank tomorrow.
Thanks,
Jack
From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Jack,
Frank just called, he will take the following – 4 lions, 2 leopards, 1 elephant, 1 alligator, 2 parrots, 1 hedgehog. And, of course, the talking lion? Frank has a good few quid. He’s worked for me on various bits and bobs, and I’ve always looked after him, so I think we should put our necks out on this one and make sure the lions talk.
Bob
From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Hello Bob.
I will only be able to get: 4 lions, 2 leopards, 1 alligator. Bob, please send the £1,700 now. I think one of the lions may talk a little. Thanks,
Jack
From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Hello Jack,
Sorry about the delay. Frank wants to know a last couple of things – Can he call the lions “FANCY PANTS” and “BRYAN”? Do the leopards sing, and are they willing to wear clothes?
All the best babes,
Bob
From: Jack Thompson
To: Bob Servant
Hello Bob,
As for the lions, you can call them any name provided you shout when talking to them and always use the same name. And trained leopards like the one I have for you will wear any clothes you buy for them OK. Please send the money today,
Jack
From: Bob Servant
To: Jack Thompson
Jack,
I have some bad news, my friend. I have just been to the bank and the guy there said that I cannot send you any money as I do not have any in my account. In actual fact, it turns out that I owe them over eight grand. I’m really sorry, Jack, I hope I haven’t wasted your time, but I’m afraid that the deal is off. Good luck my friend, and good luck with the animals.
Love,
Bob
No reply“
Many more examples of this sort of thing at the following link. Check out the Russian Bride emails. Hilarious stuff.
http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2010/oct/23/emails-solicit-money-king-arawi
The Sharp Single 