Make My Lion Togo


My heart-felt thanks to Steve Dundee for flagging the following piece and puff from the Grauniad. I get hundreds of these dodgy emails and have never been bright enough to come up with the answer to how one should deal with them.

I wish I’d had thought of this.

(I like the fact that Jack Thompson spell ‘His Royal HIGHNEST’ in the correct way):

Neil Forsyth, The Guardian. Friday 22 October 2010

Ever wondered what would happen if you replied to one of those emails that solicit money? Neil Forsyth, in the guise of his online alter ego Bob Servant, did just that…
.

From: Jack Thompson

To: Bob Servant

Subject: Delete This At Your Peril

FROM HIS ROYAL HIGHNEST, JACK THOMPSON

Dear sir,

Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business. I am JACK THOMPSON, only son of late King Arawi of tribal land. My father was a very wealthy traditional ruler, poisoned by his rivals. Before his death here in Togo he told me of a trunk containing $75m kept in a security company. I now seek a foreign partner where I will transfer the proceeds for investment as you advise. I am willing to offer 20% of the sum as a compensation for your effort/input and 5% for any expenses. Thanks and God bless,

JACK THOMPSON

From: Bob Servant

To: Jack Thompson

Good morning your Majesty,

I want 30%, and not a penny less,

Your Servant,

Bob Servant

From: Jack Thompson

To: Bob Servant

Hello Bob,

See these percentages was arranged by the bank and not me. If you insist on getting 30% of the money i have to call the bank. Pls send your: FULL NAME. CONTACT PHONE NUMBER. ACCOUNT NUMBER. COUNTRY/STATE. I will be expecting those details. thanks.

JACK THOMPSON

From: Bob Servant

To: Jack Thompson

Hello Jack,

I’m afraid I just cannot take my share in cash, too dangerous. I could take it in diamonds, gold, or livestock (lions). My neighbour, Frank Theplank, has a private zoo. He is willing to pay $80,000 for every lion I can get him,

Bob

From: Jack Thompson

To: Bob Servant

Hello Bob,

I have made arrangement in transporting the 4 lions to you. So give me your phone number for better communication and bank information,

Thanks,

Jack

image001

From: Bob Servant

To: Jack Thompson

Hi Jack,

I just popped my head over the garden wall and had a word with Frank. He has asked me to pass on a few questions – Are they male or female? Are they in good physical condition? Do they talk? Thank you, my friend, and don’t worry, I have booked in to see the bank manager tomorrow morning,

Bob

From: Jack Thompson

To: Bob Servant

Hello Bob,

Hope fine. Answer to the questions:

1. The lions are all male lions and are very healthy.

2. I don’t think I have ever seen a lion that talks.

I don’t know if you are also interested in leopards cause my friend works in the Government Zoo and he could find a leopard for you? Remember to speak to your bank tomorrow.

Thanks,

Jack

From: Bob Servant

To: Jack Thompson

Jack,

Frank just called, he will take the following – 4 lions, 2 leopards, 1 elephant, 1 alligator, 2 parrots, 1 hedgehog. And, of course, the talking lion? Frank has a good few quid. He’s worked for me on various bits and bobs, and I’ve always looked after him, so I think we should put our necks out on this one and make sure the lions talk.

Bob

From: Jack Thompson

To: Bob Servant

Hello Bob.

I will only be able to get: 4 lions, 2 leopards, 1 alligator. Bob, please send the £1,700 now. I think one of the lions may talk a little. Thanks,

Jack

From: Bob Servant

To: Jack Thompson

Hello Jack,

Sorry about the delay. Frank wants to know a last couple of things – Can he call the lions “FANCY PANTS” and “BRYAN”? Do the leopards sing, and are they willing to wear clothes?

All the best babes,

Bob

From: Jack Thompson

To: Bob Servant

Hello Bob,

As for the lions, you can call them any name provided you shout when talking to them and always use the same name. And trained leopards like the one I have for you will wear any clothes you buy for them OK. Please send the money today,

Jack

From: Bob Servant

To: Jack Thompson

Jack,

I have some bad news, my friend. I have just been to the bank and the guy there said that I cannot send you any money as I do not have any in my account. In actual fact, it turns out that I owe them over eight grand. I’m really sorry, Jack, I hope I haven’t wasted your time, but I’m afraid that the deal is off. Good luck my friend, and good luck with the animals.

Love,

Bob

No reply

Many more examples of this sort of thing at the following link. Check out the Russian Bride emails.  Hilarious stuff.

http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2010/oct/23/emails-solicit-money-king-arawi

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