If you hear a sudden hi-pitched shriek this morning coming from the South East London area it will only be me reacting to a certain minister as she (or he) announces to her (or his) constituency and the House that she (or he) is to step down after having been caught with her (or his) fingers in the till. Suffice to say I take no real pleasure in breaking this rumour to you, but I do have the champagne on ice, the pickled eggs in the fridge and have sent my no.1s to Sketchleys in preparation to what could be a very enjoyable afternoon/evening. Watch this space. If I’m wrong I’m going to be a tad miffed.

In other news:

I’m not sure how to tell you this, so I’m just gonna tell you. Catholic nuns and priests abused children in their care for decades. And as you reel from that thunderbolt here’s another: There is a culture of bullying and intimidation inside Parkhurst Prison. Bloody hell. The world’s gone mad. Intimidation in a prison?? Priests interfering with children? Get away.

Workers around the country have started striking again in protest against foreign labour. And who could not have sympathy with them. Personally I think we shouldn’t employ anyone who wasn’t born in this country. If we’re still short of jobs, let’s make sure anyone employed by a firm has to have been born within the same borough of the workplace. That may not be enough though, so we could just offer work to all those living in the same street as the factory or plant. If all that still means our lads are out of work, let’s sack all the left-handers, the gingers (see above) or anyone without blue eyes and blonde hair.

That should do it.