Esther Rantzen is considering standing as an independent candidate at the next election. Dear Christ. It seems we are to be treated a whole bunch of independent candidates standing on an anti-sleaze ticket. Indeed, Martin Bell is considering re-standing on just such a platform. Does the HOC not contain enough smug gits without subjecting us to meeja show-ponies? Why stop there? Graham Norton for the next Speaker of the House, controlling PMQs (he’s on everything else)? Carol Vorderman I’m sure would make a great MP, and could be a great help with all those tricky receipts.

I for one would pay good money to watch The Chuckle Brothers arguing across the dispatch box: “To me, to you, to me” . Whatabout very hilarious tv innocent celebrity Michael Barrymore as Chief Whip? Can’t be any more calamitous then the bunch in there at the moment. “Awight at the back?” That’d take the smile off of Gordon’s face. Mind you, if he can smile when he tells us Blears and Smith have done nothing wrong, he can smile at anything.

Where’s Guy Fawkes when you need him?

.