A Reet Petite Jock


This is Jackie Wilson. 60s singing sensation, the man who brought us the classics Reet Petiite, I get the Sweetest Feeling and (Your Love Keeps Lifting Me) Higher and Higher amongst others. Known as Mr Showman, Wilson has oddly never received the credit for his influence on popular music, being one of the great pioneers of what was to become soul music, but remains one of the great acts of one of the most exciting times in music history.

This is John Thomas WIlson, known as ‘Jocky’. He was two-time World Professional Darts Champion in the 1980s and was notable for his ability to drink heavily and play darts at the same time. He too was as great showman and his battles with his great rivals at the time, Eric “Crafty Cockney” and John Lowe” kept a nation enthralled and glued to their television sets, at a time when there were only 3 channels to watch and long before the BBC decided to turn its back on any sports event that didn’t involve John Bishop or David Walliams.

Jocky was a constant sweet-eater and refused to brush his teeth – “my Gran told me the English poison the water” – he had lost his last tooth by the age of 28. After his 1982 World title win, he paid £1,200 for dentures, but never got on with them. They made him belch when drinking, he complained

Unlike Jackie Wilson, Jocky’s music career was short-lived. In 1989 he released a record Jocky on the Oche but it failed to spark the public imagination and is reputed to have sold just 850 copies.

Sadly for the darts lovers of the world, Jocky died overnight and will be sorely missed by his family, colleague and all those who enjoy a character with our sport. When Jackie WIlson died in 1984 he was inexplicably originally buried in an unmarked grave until 1987 a fundraising campaign collected enough money to correct the mistake.

When in 1982 Dexy’s Midnight Runners performed on Top of the Pops their current hit single Jackie Wilson Said (a cover of a Van Morrison hit)  few could have predicted that somewhere in the BBC was a picture researcher who knew little of Van Morrison or Jackie Wilson and his music, let alone what he looked like. Or perhaps lead singer Kevin Rowland singing in a Birmingham accent was enough to convince the production team that The Runners were praising the World Darts Champ and not celebrating the career of a great R&B singer.

Whatever the reason, this was the final result.

Tee, and Drink with Jam and Bread.


The things you find out out when starting up a new business.

For instance, I found out that I’m useless with money. Honestly, I am. Apparently The Incumbent knew this years ago, but I’ve only just found it out. I think it’s dawning on my my biz partner Rob too.
I also, I found out that there is many a website out there which seeks out the newest and bestest t-shirt companies out there and are happy to tell the world about them. One of these sites is called The Tee Gazette – a fast-moving site which constantly updates its content, delivering the best that’s out there to the t-shirt-buying community (it says here) around the world. It moves so fast that by the time some of you read this, the piece you are looking for has probably disappeared already. With no more than a dozen pleading emails, the good guys at TTG (as we now know them) agreed to feature our company within its pages. Marvellous, we thought.

So Jarred, my new mate at TTG, asked for some copy to help him write a review of our site. He asked me for the company’s origins, it’s goals, aims, and philosophy. A mission statement, as it were. I was feeling in a slightly Sharp Singlish mood when I sent over the copy, and as such didn’t really expect him to use much of it.

Well what the hell do I know ? Apart from removing my trademark typos, dear dear Jarred used the bio I’d sent him word for word. You probably can’t read the copy in the pic above, so here it is below. And a big HUSSAR and BANG ON! Goes out to Jarred at TTG. He either laughed at every word, didn’t understand any of it, or neither:

The Generic Logo Company was born in a pub in London in 2011 as a result of the marriage of the frustrated brains of Mike (late 40′s, serial agnostic,) and Rob (Half-Day Closing Wednesdays) who decided against the way people were protesting.

Both had recently given up their jobs as a Moat Polisher and a Scaffolder’s Knee-Wrencher and from where they were sitting, the art of witty protest was being suffocated by single derogatory words such as “Douchebag” or “Wanker”,  which seemed the only language teenagers either used of understood. They insisted, a witty slogan, logo or image would bring the fun back into demonstrations, the like of what had not been seen since the invention of the Molotov Cocktail or the end of the Berlin Airlift. These two reluctant adults set forth to rid the world of juvenile phrases emblazoned across the world’s chests and substitute those with a more civilized approach, forever reserving the right to resort to the words “Bum” and “Fanny” should it be absolutely editorially necessary.

The duo profess to have no party-political ties, and to distrust most in elected office. If you live in the UK it’s difficult to think otherwise. Their goals for 2012 is to see the year through without deportation or incarceration, live a non-materialistic lifestyle and make shed-loads of cash.

And on the off-chance you wanna see the full review (and, of course, get your wallet out), here’s the link to the Tee Gazett page:

http://bit.ly/zMZJ3b

and their homepage

http://bit.ly/9XaN8c

 

Helps You Work, Rest and Play


It happens every so often to most of us, I suppose. I went shopping yesterday, having run out of trousers which I didn’t have to undo when I sat down. It was then I had to admit that I’d gone up a size. A year of not walking to-and-from the station, going into town, walking to work and then walking to-and-from Marks&Spencer Simply Food (this is just not any sandwich bar…) has taken it’s toll on the waistline.

Substituting endless worry and rowing with endless cups of Starbuck Latte (extra shot) and never-ending packets of Foxes Whipped Creams biscuits (Sinfully Strawberry)  has inevitably meant I’ve gone from a Grande Regular in the trouser department to a Venti Short (yes, it seems even my legs have shortened).

Yes I’ve often sat here on my Apple iMac Desk Top computer (iThink, therefore iMac) and shared with you my concerns with my weight, but this was the first tangible evidence that something has gone awry. It all came to a head, as it were, when I had a reaction to my new pills. The Docs, in their wisdom took me off Warfarin and put me onto something called Clopidogrel, which sounds more like Bill & Ben’s (BBC1, weekdays at 3.45) name for their pet spaniel than a drug, but apparently these were the pills to rid my brain of the blood clots that have been giving me all the fally-over-sicky problems.

I suffered an allergic reaction to the new course of tablets which manifested itself as a swelling. In fact several swellings. Swellings in very uncomfortable places. The only plus-side was it enabled me to use one of my very favourite one-liners on my doctor. When she (yup, she) asked me what I’d like her to do, I retorted “Take the pain away and leave the swelling”. Nothing. Not a titter.

And that’s as good as it got.

Now, when you’re starting to outgrow your jeans, and your favourite pieces of anatomy are expanding like a couple of GU After dark hot chocolate souffle  (now £2.00 @ Sainsburys ) something’s gotta give.

The chaffing was something shocking. It made sitting in my luxuriant DFS leather sofa (SALE ends Bank Hoiliday Monday)  somewhat painful. Watching your favourite shows on your Sony Bravia (Colour Like No Other) with your body held at an angle of 27 degrees in a vain attempt to easy the throbbing and the scraping from your zipper is not what I had in mind (nor indeed had The Incumbent) when we moved in together.

So, as I say, something had to happen, and three things did: New strides (size to your discretion); a return to the comfort of blood-thinning, dizziness-inducing Warfarin; and a family size tub of Sudcrem (Sooths and Protects).  Splash it all over. Or is that Brut ?

Now that things have calmed down, as it were, I return to my trawling of the news agencies and notice that the twin brains of Rio Ferdinand and Katie Price have been cleared of blatant advertising of Snickers bars on Twitter. Its the thin end of the wedge, made for financial gain and poorly disguised as genuine Tweets to their “fans” (never has the word Twits been more apt).

I suppose Rio and Katie benefited from cash payments and probably a year’s supply of Mars Inc products. There’ll be snickers coming out of Jordan’s arse, which I suspect wouldn’t be a novelty for her. Anyway, the whole practice of subliminal advertising, product placement or any breaches of the codes of the Advertising Standards Authority is surely wrong and immoral, especially when such “adverts” will be seen by the young and vulnerable.

Anyway, I’m off to drive down to town in the RAV4 (which has seen better days, to be honest) to see what I can pick up for lunch at Waitrose (Quality food, Honestly priced). It really is my favourite place and there is, of course, ample free parking.

Simples

Not Now, Kauto


My thanks go to Mrs V.F. of Paris for alerting me to this banned Paddy Power TV Advert. It’s a fair bet that, whether or not Kauto Star is fit and well enough to run this year, the Cheltenham Festival will definitely be able to welcome this lot to the losers enclosure.

I trust that Mrs F will be spending placing her shilling each-way bets as sensibly as is her usual ?

 

A Top Man


At the risk of seeming like the Telegraph’s Obit Dept, I present this piece by David Williams on photographer and friend Steve Bent. Dunno about you, but I’m getting a little tired of all the good guys leaving us all of a sudden. You’d have liked Benty, a great snapper, great company and silly sod. Anyway, maybe it’s all a part of getting old – your friends keep leaving you all of a sudden- but I don’t like it.

After a battle against illness, Steve died on Christmas Day, aged 53. Give yourself a little time to read and enjoy this: one mate of mine writing about another.

Steve Bent was among the most admired, respected and loved photographers in Fleet Street. His devoted compassion for his cameras’ subjects – be they victims of war, mutation, famine, disease or simple mindless cruelty – knew no bounds.

He had a journalistic mind so sharp, says his great friend and colleague Richard Holliday, that it was as if he slept in the proverbial knife drawer every night.

Occasionally, he could be taken by surprise. Arriving in war-torn Beirut for the first time with fellow snapper Tom Stoddart and Mail on Sunday hack Holliday, the trio were cornered in a bar by Lebanese freelance photographer Lena Kara.

“What’s happening?” asked an alarmed Steve. Kara blew him a kiss and said “I’m taking your pictures so that when they kidnap you or execute you I can make lots of money from London.”

Together they did – as a trio – four trips to Beirut, which is where Steve met his beautiful wife-to-be, Reuters journalist Hala Jaber, married her and brought her back to London, where she has won a host of foreign correspondent awards on the Sunday Times.

One memory Stoddart and Holliday have of Beirut is of the mad Mancunian Bent dragging them up to the top floor of a shelled apartment block. The blown-out window of that block was connected to the adjacent building by a rotting plank of wood. Bent was halfway across. Stoddart and Holliday looked at each other and shook their heads. Stoddart – who’d worked with Bent at John Pick’s York agency – enquired, as only Geordies can (when they’re being soft), “Are you being a twat, pet?”

On the second tour of Beirut, the three attempted to smuggle themselves into a Palestinian refugee camp where the aptly-named British surgeon Dr Pauline Cutting was working around the clock in atrocious conditions. Sporting t-shirts with ‘British press – don’t shoot’ in English and Arabic on front and back, Bent was enraged when a shot rang out. “Can’t you f***ing read?” he bellowed. There was no reply.

Later, during the Balkan War, Bent and Holliday were attached to the Armija Bosnia-Herzegovenia, camped in tents on the summit of Mount Igman, one of the venues for the 1984 Winter Olympics. It was a classic Hammer Horror moment when, encased in sleeping bags in a tiny ridge tent during a Transylvanian storm, Bent hissed at his colleague, “Don’t move quickly, but there’s a giant rat nibbling at my b***ocks. You’ve got the torch – deal with it, mate!” Holliday switched on the light to focus on a tiny kitten pawing Bent’s groin.

It had been in a graveyard overlooking Sarajevo that Bent had handed the Daily Mail’s David Williams four plastic film containers, pressing them into his hand with the warning “guard these with your life, Willy…”
Dutifully, he hid them in three different parts of their Lada Niva they were using.  The fourth was gaffer-taped under the arm of Jano, the fixer, at Steve’s suggestion.
That night in near darkness back at the Holiday Inn, he began to develop his films and took back the containers, placing each side by side on the wooden table beside the bed.  Two he opened, taking out the precious film that would later make a spread for the Mail on Sunday.
He then threw the one with gaffer-tape at Williams  with the words “that’s for you”, his eyes dancing mischievously. They opened the containers at the same time, inside were two miniatures of brandy.  He simply raised an eyebrow and drank.  “The armpit kept it at the right temperature,” Steve explained.

It was typical of Bent’s generosity and sense of humour which stayed with him to the end although happily his favourite trick of twisting a man’s nipples and then pulling out a chest hair, pretending to add it to his head stopped several years ago.

These were just a few of the many stories about Bent repeated by friends in the days since his sad, premature, dignified death from cancer at the age of 53 on Christmas Day at his South London, home.

For a man who so loved to travel in his professional life, he was desperately difficult to move when back home in UK refusing to budge from what became known to Benty’s friends as the “Club House” – the locals where he could always be found.

In Maida Vale, it was the Warwick Castle (when he left for what he used to term the “Badlands” south of the Thames, he took the pub sign with him – it still hangs in the garden), in Fleet Street, The Harrow and for more than a decade in Clapham, the Tim Bobbin or the Rose and Crown.  It was not Hala or friends who could occasionally make Steve vary venues but only a change of brand of lager by a foolish landlord.

Those years of selfless saloon bar research paid dividends, bemused but grateful colleagues recall, when despite the Shock and Awe over Baghdad, Steve was uniquely always able to find beer and, even more impressively, a constant supply of good French wine.
It was in the basement of Baghdad’s hotels that Steve became known as ‘Stirred, never shaken’ after revealing his hand at mixing a mean Martini, playing host to colleagues entertained by Sinatra tunes.

It had been in Maida Vale’s Elgin Avenue that Steve had first found shelter on arrival in London early in the 1980s, sharing a one bedroomed flat with his colleague David O’Neill.  It became known as the “Pig Pen”, Benty’s bed a mattress on the flood among his clutter, the sofa propped-up by bricks.

When in 2004 he had been smuggled into the besieged city of Falluja to cover the American offensive – his blond hair and moustache were died dark brown and he wore traditional dishdasha robes – he mused it had been the years in the squalor of Elgin Avenue that had prepared him for the journey among the rubbish concealed in the boot of the car travelling through Al Qaeda and fundamentalist controlled frontlines.

His infamous negative library had begun in Elgin Avenue … compromising photos of friends and colleagues on the town or ‘at play’ on jobs which he would ‘ping’ by email years later into the inbox of an unsuspecting mate with a message saying ‘how much ?’ or ‘mmmm’.  One he particularly enjoyed was of an attractive young reporter, who rose to fame as a TV anchor.  In West Africa, he had taken a picture of a monkey passionately clutching her leg at the precise moment of the animal’s over-excitement.  Whether her expletives were directed at Bent or the monkey are unclear.

On another trip – to Algeria to cover a terrorist plane hijack – Bent was checking in for his Swissair flight home via Zurich. When the check-in clerk demanded to know if he could prove he hadn’t bought his state-of-the-art photo transmitter in a back-street market in Algiers, Bent finally lost his cool and demanded the man fetch his superior. Once the wretched clerk was out of sight, Bent reached across the desk, tacked a Swissair flight tag to the transmitter, pressed the button and off it happily went, bound for the aircraft.

When the clerk returned with his supervisor to demand where ‘the thing’ had gone, Bent turned in all innocence to the supervisor and said “I really have no idea what this idiot is talking about”.

Later – and still riled after they had boarded the plane – Bent and Holliday were thrilled to be joined at the last moment by a noisy pompous German in the row immediately ahead. Turning to them, he demanded “Please put out those cigarettes. Smoke upsets me.” Bent pointed out that the man was seated in the smoking section of the plane. The German replied he had arrived late at the airport and “I had no choice, I had no choice.” “Mmmm, bit like Poland in 1939 then”, came the killer put-down from Steve.
Bent had always wanted to work in Fleet Street and enjoyed telling a story about how, as an ambitious but inexperienced young man, he once “door-stepped”  his hero, the award winning photographer Don McCullin, and asked for advice. McCullin told Bent to aim for the big stories, and to remember that the biggest stories were often in hard to reach places.

Steve followed that advice, spending five months in Afghanistan following the Soviet invasion and then smuggling himself into the Polish shipyards in the back of a lorry – he would later joke he had pioneered the asylum seeker trail – to bring back pictures that brought him to the notice of the Mail on Sunday where he became one of their first staff photographers.

It was an environment, an adventure in which Bent thrived.  What he termed ‘boutique trips’ to cities like New York or Paris would be turned down for the world’s trouble spots.  It was there that he thrived producing three decades of outstanding images, building lasting contacts and being at the heart of campaigns that raised huge sums for the subjects of his photographs.

He was especially proud of his early work in Ethiopia where his pictures of the famine, and in particular suffering of children, set the mark for his work in future years.

For many, many months in Iraq, he and Hala braved the huge dangers – and obvious hardships – to bring an untold story to the world.  As with many top photographers, his news sense was as good as most reporters and his judgement of a situation better than most.  His calming influence and protective presence allowed Hala to work at her brilliant best.

Inevitably, their work and contacts made enemies too and they became the targets.  On one occasion, they received a reliable tip they were about to be kidnapped, tortured and executed and Bent with his contacts built among former UK military now working in security orchestrated their escape, first along what at the time was the most dangerous drive in the world to Baghdad airport and then on to the plane.

An email marked “Urgent…for your eyes only” had alerted Williams to their plight.  It read : “fyi dave we have to move asap – Hala’s phone is working –

Don’t worry we are in safe hands.  Will ring asap…”  That night Steve called from a secure compound in the Iraqi capital.  Williams asked : “Are you OK ?”  There was a long silence, “No,” said Steve, pausing again to build-up the tension “….there’s no alcohol in the beer.”
The pair made their last trip to Baghdad in 2009 where Bent’s harrowing, moving pictures contributed massively to The Sunday Times Christmas appeal, in aid of Iraqi children horrifically wounded in the war; it has since raised more than £1 million.

He and Hala built relationships with many of their subjects.  When a girl called Shams Kareem was blinded by a bomb blast that killed her mother, Steve’s pictures brought home her story to the readers, who responded by donating £140,000 that brought her to London for treatment.  Steve and Hala have helped support her ever since.  She is one of several they met in Iraq they, unseen and unheralded, continued to help.

Even in the final year, unable to eat, and fed through a tube in his nose, Bent was often at his most animated when following international stories, especially where Hala was involved in Libya and Syria.  Crouched on the sofa, cigarette burning beside him, he would scribble notes to be relayed to Hala together with snippets from agency reports he demanded from colleagues.  When told he was like a Foreign Editor, his eyes danced – as they did to the end when all else was failing – and muttered his well known view of armchair generals.

Those blue-eyes would have been ‘dancing’ too a few days after his death at the success of a longstanding prank that had led to the fact that Geoff Bent, among the Manchester United players to have died in the 1958 Munich air disaster, was an uncle had appeared in an obit.  That alleged relationship had been an often repeated wind-up of Holliday so he believed it to be true…typical.
Steve Bent was one of the most travelled snappers in Fleet Street’s history. With the exception of South America, there was hardly a country that his trademark Desert boots had not left their imprint on.
His friends around the globe will mourn his passing very, very, very deeply – as will the orphaned children that his desperately moving photos raised so much money for.

David Williams
Chief Reporter
Daily Mail

Our Frank


Photo and half time oranges courtesy of Mr Terry Kirk

You’ll notice a couple of things about the above photo. Firstly, how the young man on the far left of the front row has hardly changed at all over the past 25 years since the snap was taken of the Dartfordians 1st XV 1985/86. The young then-winger went onto become one of east Bexley’s least talked about centers, one of the country’s slowest fast bowlers and writer of mumbling and bumbling slightly-left-of-centre blogs, part-time t-shirt maker and scaffolder’s knee-wrencher.

You’ll also notice the rather imposing figure, third in from the left of the back row of Frank Wallen. Man-mountain, father, brother (in all senses of the word), all-in wrestler, civil servant and tickler of the ivories (he played all the right notes in the right order). Frank died last night, they tell me, apparently of a heart attack. He will be sorely, sorely missed.

Frank was my vice captain when for some reason I was asked to captain the 1st XV. It was a long time ago, but the memories of my disastrous and lacklustre attempts to skipper that side still keep awake at night those poor sods who were there to witness it.

Not that Frank need have taken any of the blame for our appalling form (and I’d like to meet the bloke who’d have blamed him.) While my alcohol or apathy-related injuries prevented me from attending midweek training, Frank would be there, with the other 7 attendees, running around the dark and wet field, scaring and scragging people as he went. He did all this without a moan, without once having a go at me for not being there/being in the pub/staying at work/being in the pub (delete where applicable). Good job too: I’d have shit myself if he’d had done so.

Off the pitch he was as gentle a man you could ever wish to meet. Quiet, with a magnificent sense of humour and smile to match, he would sit at the bar, pipe on the go, nodding and giggling along with whatever story was being rolled out again for the umpteenth time. He was terrific company and seemed amiable and happy all the time.

On the pitch was a slightly different story. My mate Keith – no mean player himself – recounts the day as a 19 year old he took his place in the side as hooker, alongside Frank in the scrummage (Frank would have been around 30 by then already). The match was against local rivals Gravesend, and at each and every scrum, Frank’s opposite number would take the opportunity to call Frank a “black cvnt” every time their heads came close. What this bloke was going to do to Our Frank during and after the match was no-one’s business and anyone’s guess. Sadly for the Gravesend player (let’s call him Terry), the end of the game came sooner than expected. For him, at least.

As Keith jogged across to a lineout, he saw Terry, hands on his knees, bent over grabbing huge lungfuls of air between plays. Then something odd happened. Nothing is certain, but it seems Terry must have slipped because, all of a sudden, his chin came into violent connection with a freshly-arrived knee (the colour of which has never been proven). Terry exited the pitch quickly, chin-first, eyes shut, at a 30 degree angle and four feet above the ground, until he landed on the cricket square between pitches (somewhere around backward short leg). Frank looked around innocently. Keith threw up.

Everyone on the circuit knew Frank. He sorta stood-out. It wasn’t just that he was one of the few black prop-forwards around (we down the Rugby Club also enjoyed the playing company of his younger, bigger brother Brian), he was also as strong as one man could possibly be. I mean scary-strong.

Perhaps it was this strength that lent itself so readily to Frank’s other sporting passion: All-In Wrestling. These were the days well before WWF or Wrestlemania or whatever. Men in ill-fitting cotton and spandex outfits, pretending to jump up and down on other men, similarly attired. It must have been so hard for Frank to “pretend”.

But he didn’t fight as Frank Wallen. No, no, nothing as drab as that. When our Big Frank entered the ring he became none other than “Soul Brother Butcher” Dave Bond. It just rolled off the tongue in a way his opponents rolled off the canvass. Of this world of fixed bouts, of goodie and baddies, and little old women screaming at someone to “rip ‘is bloomin’ ‘ead orf”, Frank would tell you that he never competed as a goody. “Apart from in Brixton” he would add with smile.

After a rugby match, if you were particularly lucky, Frank and his big mate John Harrison (another big unit) would sit either end of a piano keyboard and treat you to some honky-tonk.  If you were really really lucky you’d have been in a public bar when this mate John pretended to square up to Frank, having the effect of terrifying the barman due to the imminent prospect of a huge punch-up between two enormous men. As the poor innkeeper, fearful of the pub’s decor, nervously shouted “I’ll call the police”, both Frank and John would cuddle the poor guy, Frank in fits of laughter as John (a member of Her Majesty’s Met Police) would tell him “they’re already here, mate”.

But more often than not, you’d find Frank sitting at the bar, supping on his pint and pipe, smiling and listening to all around him, chatting about the game that afternoon. He knew he was a little different, that he cut an impressive dash, an imposing figure. But all Frank wanted to do was to enjoy life, a game and a pint.

As I left the clubhouse one night, he got me into a headlock to tell me a joke (it’s what he did).
“Hey, Bomber, why do white girls go out with black blokes ?”
Dreadfully nervous of putting my foot in it I replied lamely “er…I dunno, Frank”
“To get their handbags back” he cracked. Huge grin across his face, giggling to himself like a schoolboy.

“Now Frank, you’d have killed anyone here if they’d have told you that” I suggested.
“Yep, but they never would, Mike.” he grinned “They never would”.

Stephen Lawrence. Anyone Really Surprised?


It’s very laudable, even easy to moan about the “Institutional Racism” in our Police Force. You don’t need to be a ranting left-wing loony to know just how differently the ethnic minorities are treated by the police compared to their white fellow citizens. The hilarious “Constable Savage” sketch of Not the Nine O’Clock News in the 1980s doesn’t seem dated, even though it’s more than 30 years later. Racism in the Met didn’t end with the disbandment of the SPG. Far from it. Savage holding someone for “possession of thick lips and curly black hair” would raise a giggle from many were it shown again tonight. (though the BBC wouldn’t now show it – far too un-pc for the sensitive audiences of today.)

Not that Atkinson or Rhys-Jones wrote it as a racist sketch, but as an attack on the (then) horribly racist Old Bill. Everybody laughed though (well we all did anyway), whether at the Police or the racist charges which the characters discuss within the show. But for many in the black community the skit was merely a reminder of the sort of shite they were putting up with every day on the streets of our cities. But the rest of ‘polite society’ laughed. Well it was farhking funny, wonnit ? Like Alf Garnet or Archie Bunker, their humour was often enjoyed by the very racists it was attacking. But that was years ago. Last century. A long forgotten time.

Really ? What about the poor Indian student Anuj Bidve shot in the head in Salford last week by someone with the self-anointed monicker “Psycho”. How about the overwhelming attitude and apathy of the white middle-classes to the news of anyone of colour shot by Her Majesty’s finest. Or John Terry‘s alleged racist abuse of a fellow professional sportsman. “SAVE OUR JOHN ! ” “But he’s England Captain !!!”” You can’t have a go at him !!”

At the other end of society I stood in a boozer a couple of months ago next to two men, ADULTS (and up to then assumed by me to be vaguely educated men) who used on three occasions the word coon in reference to a football player. And it’s not the only time I’ve heard the term recently. I know a bloke (I used to play rugby with him) who still uses the word, or derivatives of it. He finds it funny and has the cheek to presume I do too. He seems oblivious to the fact he is being offensive of the highest order. When you approach these people, protesting that you are offended by such language, they invariably roll their eyes, laugh at you and accuse you of taking it too seriously. (I can hear them doing it now, reading this).  I understand that the Chelsea skipper isn’t denying he used the language against Anton Ferdinand, but that we are in the wrong by taking it the wrong way. Oh I see: He called Anton a Black Cunt out of context. Silly me.

So who are we, the general public, to pin the badge of Institutional Racism on the Police? Granted, it is clear the original investigation was either bungled or was hindered by monumental racist-driven neglect. So the coppers were either criminals or morons. Probably both. But until we refuse to stand by and allow our mates, fellow commuters, drinkers and colleagues to systematically use foul and racist language; until we refuse to accept as a joke or irrelevant trivia the continual stereotyping and abuse of black people who the hell are we to point the finger at the Old Bill ?

The Met Police have a lot to apologise for (wouldn’t it have been nice for Acting Deputy Commissioner Cressida Dick to have taken the opportunity to say sorry to the Lawrence family outside the Old Bailey tonight ?) but they hardly stand alone as a predominately racist institution. They do, after all, take their new recruits from members of the public. It’d be nice to think if it happened again society wouldn’t protect, consciously or subconsciously, the killers as many have done (and are still doing) in this case.  It’d be nice to think, but by no means certain.

Socrates Brasileiro Sampaio de Sousa Vieira de Oliveira


Not only a brilliant footballer, but a lot of points in Scrabble, Socrates Brasileiro Sampaio de Sousa Vieira de Oliveira, or just Socrates to you and me, has died. Having survived a long career of being forced to wear some of the smallest shorts in sporting history, his hobbies of smoking, drinking and fathering kids (see And Where were the Germans? previous post) finally caught up with him.

Said The Daily Telegraph:

“Socrates – who also played at the 1986 World Cup finals – was a flamboyant footballer who boasted a myriad of contradictions.

He was a qualified doctor who never gave up his enjoyment of a smoke and a drink; he was an outspoken political activist, regularly protesting against the Brazilian military junta of the 1970s and 1980s.

He once listed his heroes as Fidel Castro, Che Guevara and John Lennon, fathered six children and spent his retirement penning passionate articles on politics and economics as well as sport.

Socrates won 60 caps for Brazil, scored 22 goals and was a contemporary of the great Zico.

After officially ending his playing career in 1989, he bizarrely reappeared 15 years later, at the age of 50, with Garforth Town, an amateur side in the backwoods of northern England where he featured for just 10 minutes of action.”

A bit of a bolshy bastard, who loved a gasper (this is me talking now, not The Telegraph), Dr Socrates is remembered as much as a champion of the little man and a fierce campaigner against tyranny and dictatorship as he was for his swift, elegant play, his back-heels and his marvellous goal celebrations.There’s a video on Youtube of his appearance at Garforth Town, but this is how you really wanna remember him.

In a world when all we’re left with is the dignity and charm of John Terry, the wit and wisdom of Joey Barton and the grace and sportsmanship of Robbie Savage, it’s nice to remember a time when soccer was populated with gentleman and scholars, in every sense of the word.
And shorts that cut you in half.

That’ll Bring Water to Your Eyes

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