Daily Archives: May 21, 2012

You’re Going Home in a Flipping Ambulance

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Our Special Correspondent writes…
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It can’t only be me who wondered what David Cameron was punching (or was it paunching) the air about in his dress down Turnbull & Asser alongside a young,smiling Morgan Freeman and several glum Eurocrats.
 
Upon further inspection,it seems the Acropolis Co-op cheque conference came to a halt as Dave’s beloved Chelsea won on Saturday. Now,of course our Dave could hardly support any other team,could he? What with his old mate the cossack yachtsman at the helm.
 
Apparently it was during one of the time out’s that coach Obama had called that Dave, not being able to watch,even through his caviar smeared fingers,was summoned swiftly back to the lounge bar where the footie was on.
 
Yessssss!! Come on you blues. Back of ones net my son!
 
Now,I know he’s down with the people and not a toff at all really,so he – also apparently – says “we don’t normally win a penalty shoot out against the Germans at home” What!!? Who’s he talking about. In one smooth manouevre he’s slipped into jingoese. It’s now a matter of national pride.How Blighty has given Fritz some of his own medicine. Don’t mess with us.
 
Light up another lardy and stroll enigmatically round the rose garden at Chartwell.Dictate another page of the memoirs. Angela was heard to splutter a “scheissen” that didn’t need trouble the translator. Damn those pesky Tommies.That Dunkirk spirit has done it again.
 
Hold on though. This wasn’t the bloody England team.This was a ridiculously overpaid collection of disparate foreigners,who got a win bonus bigger than my (and your) pension.
 
You prat Dave.
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David Rapley,
The Saloon Bar
The Old Mill Hotel & Lodge
Bath
Back to you in the studio

The 92m Hurdles

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David Cameron‘s  austerity measures savings have surely gone too far now ? According to t’BBC this morning, organisers at an Olympic warm-up event clearly decided to cut back on the amount of obstacles an athlete has to negotiate during a race:

Jessica Ennis was denied a personal best in the 100m hurdles at the Great CityGames in Manchester because only nine of the necessary 10 barriers were laid out by the organisers. The Team GB heptathlete clocked 12.75 seconds but her time does not stand.

Ennis said: “I am so annoyed. I still had a good competitive race, but I’ve just not got the result I wanted.”

Dwain Chambers finished second in the 150m, his first race since learning he can compete at London 2012 .
Ennis was delighted with her performance, but said she “can’t believe” the “massive, massive mess-up” with the number of hurdles.” (BBC ont’line)

Now I’m no great fan of Seb Coe (I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned that before) but even the most one-eyed London 2012 supporter would agree with me that upsetting the golden girl of Team GB is possibly not the publicity the sport needs. Especially when all the other preparations are going so well and been received so readily and happily by the public. Apart from the ticketing fiascos. And the announcements of travel disruption. And the £1 surcharge on postage during the games. And the £95 fee for a boat trip. And….  oh you know.

So I’m looking forward to other cost-cutting measures and reduced events. I hear we stand pretty decent chances of gold in the 4×35 yards relay, the 1m Catapult, the Uniathlon (centred around the kiddies boating pond in Greenwich Park) and, of course, the 2 Day event.

And when I say Gold medals, they’ll be last year’s left over Christmas tree decorations.