Leslie Nielson. Silly sod.

“The reason they call it ‘golf’ is that all the other 4 letter words were used up.”

“You’re excited? You should feel my nipples.”

“She had a full set of curves, and the kind of legs you’d like to suck on for a day.”

“I like my sex the way I play basketball, one-on-one with as little dribbling as possible.”

“Like a midget at a urinal, I was gonna have to stay on my toes.”

“That’s right isn’t it? Signal yes by shooting yourself in the head three times.”

“The life of everyone on board depends upon just one thing: finding someone back there who can not only fly this plane, but who didn’t have fish for dinner.”

“I’ll deal with that later. Right now I want to find out what happens to the duck.”

“No, crazy is walking down the street with half a cantaloupe on your head, muttering ‘I’m a hamster, I’m a hamster.'”

“All I know is never bet on the white guy.”

“I’ve been like a father to you! I raised you, just like your father did! I believed in you, just like your father did! I slept with your mother, just like your father did.”