Nigel Farage.
Farage rhymes with Garage not Barrage.
Who’s he think he is? Hyacinth Bucket ??
And By The Way…
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Daily Archives: May 7, 2010
Heidi Unlikely
Well what to make of all that then? Certainly a lot better than when I retired to my bed last night. Quite, quite amazing. After 13 years and all the disasters that have befallen the Labour Party, the Tories STILL didn’t run away with it. And where did that Liberal surge disappear to??? Gives you some faith in your fellow citizen’s judgment- if indeed your fellow citizen actually managed to get a vote at all. What a fiasco that was. Sorry, I don’t mean fiasco, I mean heinous crime. I think I can imagine my reaction to being turned away at the ballot box. May have had a little word, as I know many did. Legal challenges to come, no doubt. Whatever way it takes the actual result, this surely hasn’t been a triumph for democracy and something has to be done.
Maybe we’ll get a re-run anyway because, as I write at 08.32, it’s still very unclear which way it’ll go. Personally, I think we’ve had a result. If in October/November last year you’d have given Gordon a whiff of a chance of a coalition he’s have bitten your arm off. And if it does go the other way, and Tory government being reigned in by the Liberals is surely more palatable than a huge Conservative majority as was looking to be the case just a few months ago.
Whether or not we have another election to either the polling station scandal, or to decide once-and-for-all who runs the country again, I suspect that Gordon Brown (texture like sun) has had his chips, with or without curry sauce. What prince Alan Johnson for next leader ?
News just in: Heidi Alexander has just held Lewisham East for Labour, so our little village of Blackheath sends another Labour MP to the commons (for now anyway). In the words of Joan Collins “WhooHoo”.
But let us not get too happy with ourselves. Let us spend a moment to think of all those who sadly will not be with us anymore, at least as far as this round of political shenanigans goes:
Peter Robinson DUP. (East Belfast)
Jaqui Smith, LAB (Blockbuster Video, North)
Charles Clarke, LAB (Backstabbers Union)
Limpet Optic, LIB (TV Studio Anywhere, South)
Nick Giffen, Waffen SS (Berchtesgaden, West)
Esther Rantzen, IND (Lala Land North)
As the sun goes down. We won’t remember them.
Good Riddance.
01:07 am
Hmmm….
BBC now predicting overall Tory majority.
Better start dusting of the collar and leash. Walkies !
01:36 am. Run out of Guinness, eyes bleeding and I’ve got pins and needles in my legs. Time to go up the wooden hill to bed, remembering on the way to write “extra Winalot” on the shopping list stuck to the fridge door”. Maybe it’s like watching Charlton: If I don’t watch them they will somehow win? Either way, I need to go get my head down. Goodnight Mary-Ellen, goodnight John-Boy. Gordon’s just won his seat in Kirkaldy, but looks unhappy (but how can you really tell?).
Off to sleep and to dream of a miracle.
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Polling Fiasco: Culprit Identified
I, Arnold Dinnerjacket, being the returning officer for Hackney South, do hereby give notice that the total votes cast were as follows...
Results Just In
12.25: Joan Collins comes out for the Tories (shock) and tells Andrew Neil that “David Cameron, WhooWhoo!” (punches the air) “He’ll make a great Prime Minister because he has a very good look” (I’m not making any of this up, check it out on iPlayer)
Victor Meldrew (or at least the bloke who plays him) declares he wanted PR all along (having bigged-up Gordon for years).
Martin Amis, looks like he’s been on the shandy since early on, manages to say “Clegg” using four syllables. “Ch-ll-eel-gh” well done! Have another sip. Mind you, if I’d have been sat next to David Starkey all night I’d be tempted to have a snifter or two.
Hang on a minute! Am I actually watching the BBC’s election coverage? Who’s next to give their considered opinion? Timmy Mallet?
Exit Poll, Exit Democracy
12.00: Polling stations running out of ballot papers? Others able to handle the numbers of people turning up to vote? Polling lists not updated, leaving people not being allowed to vote ? Disenfanchised would-be voters staging sit-ins in protest at not being able to place their cross on the ballot paper ? Some stations kept open to let people vote after the exit poll was declared. This really is appalling. Anyone would think Jeb Bush was the returning officer. If it happens around here, they’ll be Hanging Chavs all over South London. Fly in the UN Observers!
More as it comes in.
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The Sharp Single 