The Sharp Single can this morning Exclusively reveal to the world that South Af English batsman Jornathorn Trortt was erroneously given out LBW my neutral South African umpire Marais Piper Erasmus.
Trortt, 32, of KwaZulu Natal, East Sussex, immediately asked for a referral of the decision to Mr Piper, who was in his suite busy examining the footage of earlier completely wrong decision by umpire B.Pew (T.Island) to give out Root Minor of the lower Fourth even though he clearly hadn’t hit the ball, (but was too frightened to say so).
England had already fallen foul of the new ICC “Wonder/Blunkett Method” when 12 year old Australian debutante Ashton Kutcher was given not out when stumped by reluctant-appealer Mat Howwozthatonethen Prior when the batter was closer to the non-striker’s end than his own,having amassed just 10 runs. Mr Kutcher went on to score 98, a world record for a number 11 batsmen who should have been given out two hours ago.
England were understandably furious with the officials. In an display of petulance and defiance, the former bowler Steve Finnish, playing in his last Test for England, bowled 17 consecutive overs at his own toes.
The ICC have apologised to England for the pisspoor decisions made during the day, and offered the whole team free tickets to the final of next year’s IPL (sponsored by Lehman Brothers).
Now The Sharp Single can exclusively bring you the missing Hortsport foortage. If you look very closely, you can just make out the faintest of white marks, as the ball just nicks Hansie Trortt’s bat. You be the jury.
Keith Vaz is expected to make a statement at lunchtime today.
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The Sharp Single 
I referred your article to a retired blind French umpire and after feeling around for a bit he concurred that the advent of technology in the sport is not always a good fing…and had shortened the career of many of his countrymen in the field of sports officiating…
Thankfully one or two still exist in Rugby Union circles but these too are expected to be pensioned off to be replaced by a camera,tv monitor and someone from the sub- continent,who will be answering calls from British householders on numerous subjects in his spare time.
This has been proven to be far more cost-effective and avoids Antipodeans being involved…
A spokesman for Sky Sports revealed that the televised call- centre tv match official channel is to be launched in 2014 at an additional cost of only £10 a month*,whereby subscribers will be able to call in and give advice to Ramish/ Charles whilst he deliberates over a number of crucial decisions…Votes will be counted instantaneously and Sky viewers will therefore have more control over the results…
* A Sky Bet account is compulsory…
Meanwhile on BBC1… the blue riband event of Antiques Roadshow vs. Songs of Praise boreathon ( rpt.) clashes with Cash in the Attic and A place in the sun ( home).
The national tv licence fee increase is to be pegged at just above inflation.
Thanks Mr Vaz
Inspired!
Sent from my iPhone
…by lashings of Cider
Vanessa, shouldn’t you be digging something ? somewhere ?