Misty Water-Coloured Memories of the Way We Was


If you ever need proof that there was, indeed, a God, you need look no further than the fascinating news story that they have unearthed a couple of very early episodes of Dr Who, which up to now had been presumed lost. Wiped. Erased. They had ceased to be. Bereft of life, they rested in peace. After transmission, the intelligentsia at the BBC decided (and, let’s face it, who could argue with them in this instance) that all traces of performances by Fraser Hinds — he of Emmerdale Farm fame— should be deleted, destroyed and copied over with episodes of Pogles’ Wood. They needed the space and this sort of tosh should make way for future, quality programing — say, Michael Bentine‘s Potty Time (it meant something different then than it does now).

dgscricket

Clue: Front row, brown patterned socks, open crotch.

Sadly, copies of the offending articles were unearthed in Guinea-Bissau, or somesuch place. So the geeks and the gits of the Dr Who Brethren can sit there, cup-a-soup cradled in hand, and relive 1960s shite telly. 14 minutes of badly-restored cardboard theatre and wooden actors, but which nevertheless get us ready for the next series of BBC World’s Syndication Sensation, adverts and all. Having turned 34-and-bit yesterday, I am old enough to remember when Dr Who, Blake Seven and The Brothers were all we had to watch if we didn’t want to go and play with weird uncle Colin and his ‘finger puppets’ in the garden. No Sky TV or ITV8 for us, but at least the BBC was commercial-free and still employed professional entertainers and real journalists. (Come Dancing and David Icke apart).

(As an aside there is a house down my road which the inhabitants have hilariously named “Gallifrey” — I kid you not— complete with name plaque. I got a wee bit tiddly last night and The Incumbent had to pull me away as we walked past, lest I piddled in the garden and over the sign).

Isn’t it uncanny (if not astounding), that every time there is a new Dr Who Series in the offing, someone in Ulaanbaatar unearths an episode starring Patrick Troughton or Jon Pertwee or the like (odd that that they always leave the shows starring Sylvester McCoy buried in the attic)? Just when your mind wanders off the subject, the BBC ‘news’ announced someone’s found Tom Baker’s “original” scarf, or Paul McGann’s  long lost “talent”.  If you’ve ever watched The BBC DailyMailBreakfast Show, you’ll know what I mean: New Series Advert Masquerades as News Item. Every single sodding morning. We sit there and take it all in, like The Emperors New Clothes or the new Petshop Boys Single. I predict a riot. Some day.

dgsrugby

Rare image depicting The 1978 Dartford Hair Parting Famine. U13s Purdey Appreciation XV. Clue: Front row, early signs of obesity, small boy at side, open crotch

When I had a proper job, (they used to pay me to look at snaps, pix, photographs— ART , darling!) every 4.6 months someone would offer me snaps “never before seen” of Marilyn Monroe; Every 5 weeks I’d be shown a “new and exciting” set of pics of 1950 cars, still being used as Taxis in Havana, Cuba. But to be fair (and I’m nothing but fair) these monkeys  sorry, photographers, were only trying to earn a living. They were not to know they were the 73rd to offer the exact same thing. I’ve been offered a black & white set of images of an empty supermarket, shot in the name of “art” (I didn’t buy it), and worse was even asked once by a supposed journalist (I do hope to God she no longer exists in this space/time continuum) for “all the great photos of Diana that have never been published”. Honest, that’s what she asked me to find.  I have witnesses. She had a million ideas like this. The same person asked for a photo of “a woman breathing”. Oh ! and of a woman/model “who looks older than she actually is”. Think about that one for a while. She outlasted me at the paper.

I won’t say her name, cos it would embarrass her. Or maybe it wouldn’t. So thank, you Corinna Honan for years of chuckles over those, and all your other hilarious requests [subs- can someone edit this name out before it goes to print please. thanks] . I’ve just Googled her. She works for The Daily Mail !  Ha !  You couldn’t write this stuff. Even though I just have.

So in the spirit of not having anything to say, anything to advertise or promote (although, I do know of a sensational shop which has a thousand of ideas for Christmas gifts for all the family. More on that, here, after 9 o’clock. Now here’s Carol with an awfully bad guess at the weather) I thought I’d show you, as my 34th Birthday gift to you, from me, these two completely irrelevant photos, recently unearthed by experts in Dartford, Kent, and published today by me in Dartford…er…Kent. No angle, nothing to promote. I just found em.

Just thought I’d show them to you. Let this be a warning to younger readers. Say no to Guinness and Ginsters Pasties (whether they are made by Dwarfs, or otherwise). Resist the temptations of Tesco’s Trifle and Scrumpy Jack. Look how gorgeous I was and how I’ve ended up.

The end.

Now here’s an advert.

PoliceBox

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10 thoughts on “Misty Water-Coloured Memories of the Way We Was

    • As far as I can remember… Rugby: erm dunno, Jon Krumins, Danny Peach, K.W.Parris (token ginger), Dave Offner, Erm, Dennis Venn KGB, DFC and Bar, Ricky Jago, John Willament, Nick Tippey. Keith Seagers, the late Mark Taylor, the late tackler Darren Gregory, Author Author !, Butch Wilkins.
      Cricket: Mr. Graham Walder (The man who fostered my love of Australians), Andy Wilkinson (who coined the name ‘Bomber’), Jago, Willament, erm, Nick Blake (who introduced me to marijuana and The Police—the group not the inherently corrupt and racist organisation) erm, erm,erm, Paddy Alford (insert prison number here), Nick Fox,(ex-Legion), Author, Gordon Halton (honestly, he used to look like that), MT, Andy Slater (Wicket Keeper & Tuck Shop), KW Parris (during his Elvis Costello phase.)

      • Mike, fantastic find though I do wish it had stayed lost. let me help fill in the cricket erms.Mark Lord , Its actually Paul Blake..next 3 Phil Hills/ David Avery / Andrew scott

      • Of course. Well done Gord.Of course ! Paul Blake,( I knew that) and Andrew Scott, AKA Norman. Wonderful stuff.

      • Mike, what a pic! And we are all hitting 50 this year/next 😦 Were you serious about Mark?

      • Wotcha Nick. Great to hear from you. Yup, the half century is upon me soon. I’ve been trying for one for fucking years unsuccessfully, now I’m being offered oneI don’t want it. Yes, sadly MT went over 10 years ago now. All v traumatic. I’ll tell you about it one day — or you can probably read about it here, I’m sure it’s been mentioned more than once on these pages. Hope you are well? I’m sure you still look the same 🙂

  1. I resent the misappropriation of my name and the inherent suggestion that I would introduce you to something that would be deemed illegal. For all their early promise, The Police’s last couple of albums were very poor and Synchronicity should be considered their ‘criminal record’ (brrrrmmp tssch – I’m here all week).

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