How to Cock Up Like Hester


“There was a period of remorse and apology for banks and I think that period needs to be over…I really resent the fact that you refer to this as blackjack or casino banking or rogue trading,” Barclays’ Diamond Bob goes on the attack at the Treasury Select Committee, 11th Jan 2012

“The reports in the media this morning are both inaccurate and premature.” RBS denies reports of £1m-plus bonus Stephen Hester, 18th Jan 2012

(SKY NEWS) Stephen Hester is to get a bonus of almost £1m, a figure which has drawn criticism of pay deals at the taxpayer-funded institution. Stephen Hester is to get 3.6 million shares in the bank worth £963,000, along with a salary of £1.2m. RBS group chairman Sir Philip Hampton said the company was “aware of the difficulties in trying to reconcile the competing objectives of all our stakeholders”, especially on pay. RBS doesn’t deny reports of £1m-plus bonus Stephen Hester, 27th Jan 2012

“We’re well on the road to recovery. Fingers crossed all the bugs have been got out but we feel a corner has been turned…things back to normal by early next week.” RBS Stephen Hester on the, still to be fixed IT problems which has seen millions of customers’ accounts frozen. 27th June 2012
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“Barclays chief executive Bob Diamond has admitted for the first time that the bank made a conscious decision to falsify Libor rates in order to protect the bank at the height of the financial crisis.” Left-wing tabloid rag The Daily Telegraph cranks up the pressure on Diamond Bob over his knowledge of dodgy deals within Barclays. June 28th 2012

“Barclays boss Bob Diamond says he will not resign.” Shock news in a BBC headline, June 29th 2012.

“Royal Bank of Scotland and Lloyds have been accused of systematically rigging financial markets in a growing international scandal which wiped billions off the value of shares in Britain’s biggest banks.” The Daily Telegraph with more good news for RBS fans and customers. June 29th 2012

Stephen Hester admits to stealing from his own granny, murdering Lady Diana, selling dodgy Olympic Tickets and starting the Second World War. Diamond Bob admits to shooting, butchering and eating Shergar. Both men say they are “determined to ride out the storm” The Sharp Single, June 31st 2012.

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2 thoughts on “How to Cock Up Like Hester

  1. Ha ha..Very good…
    Clearly you are at your acerbic best first thing…
    I for one am quite glad that the British public is being alerted to the fact that. Nat West…the home of ‘helpful banking’ is just the ‘acceptable’ High St. front for the RBS ‘casino’…funded as you correctly state in no small part by the same British taxpayer…
    A lose/ lose scenario in fact if you entrust any shekels within the RBS group,but what is HM Govt to do…? Let the billions pumped in disappear without a trace or hang on in there( whilst pretending to create legislation to prevent bankers from taking further liberties) and hope for a return on the tax-payers investment…?
    Mmm
    Will take Diamond geezers to work that one out…
    Meanwhile either or both of the aforementioned Chief execs will ride off into the sunset,their publicly funded pensions safely intact,but their reputations tarnished( they will blame others) and probably never have to ‘work’again…Though I expect they will,because other banking systems around the globe have yet to catch up with all the legislation,so could do with their advice on ‘no risk’ gambling in return for yet more millions in salaries and pensions…Oh and let’s not forget the book deals…?!
    Here’s hoping that there isn’t a run on a bank over the weekend and we can all get our bits of paper to exchange for beer…

    • And I nearly understand most of that too. I for one am very glad the Government is putting every effort at this critical time for the economy into…er…House of Lords Reform. Phew ! In this Jubilee and Olympic Year, this country needs a proper elected upper chamber. The tourists expect it. Or something. I personally would like to post my vote for young Sebastian Coe to get a Lordship. Oh…hang on…

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