I was born in Erith and went to school in Dartford. If you didn’t, this may not be your cup of tea. However, if either of these places are dear to your heart, then have a listen to this half hour of Mark Steel (Swanley boy, above) on BBC Radio 4 tonight. Very funny. (Unless that offends anyone at all then I retract it, of course)
Mark_Steels_in_Town_Series_2_Dartford
I suppose this will drop off into the biosphere very soon, so many apologies if Auntie Beeb removes it . It’s an acquired taste for locals. The rest of you can jog on.
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The Sharp Single 
1, you’re obviously a nazi.
2, you’re excluding me because i haven’t been to erith.
3, you’ve got bad hair and green teeth.
4, IT’S A SHOEMENDERS! OK?
5, errr, oh yeah, you’re a nazi mate.
Behave yourself, fatty
curses, rumbled. i’d have got away with it if it wasn’t for those pesky kids.
Fantastic, it was all true, but i can’t believe he didn’t mention the Under 21 racing circuit known as the one way system or that Len Goodman of Strictly Come Dancing has had a dance school there forever and Wikipedia quotes ” his dance school in Dartford was home to a very popular Saturday night youth disco, which helped to keep the majority of Dartford’s young people out of trouble”. Majority, Hah! Most of us were trying to get into Flicks!
Ah yes! Goodmans. A wedge, a pair of pegs, a white boogie belt and the Gibson Brothers on the turntable. God I was gorgeous. Pulled? Nope.
Never there, but once or twice in the Kentucky just across the road!